Dear Aileen:

Thank-you for sending me this picture of your friend Kevin. I would like to turn him into an internet sensation, but unfortunately, Kevin is a fake. I'm sure he is a "fun" person, but anyone can wear Christmas suspenders and set a plastic deer on their leg. He is not a true internet star. He does not LIVE it like Ethan does.  Until I see photos of Kevin wearing fingernail polish, humping a Barbie, and posing shirtless with a seaweed monster, I cannot bestow international fame upon him. Thank-you for your understanding in this matter.

sincerely,
My Lord.